Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there was a trapeze. enough said
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
