this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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