fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize