This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize