I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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