my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
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