Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
