On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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