guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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