update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
