Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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