Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
