The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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