all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sext me about skeletons
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
