You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
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Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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