she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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