There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
