I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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