I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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