sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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