If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me that man meat
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize