If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize