we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
