My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
