Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
