Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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