you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
