I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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