I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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