The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
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He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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