Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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