Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
