I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
