You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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