We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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