remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
