I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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