Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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