First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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