Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
