she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
