? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
