In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
