The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
