she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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