No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
