You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
