My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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