if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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