WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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