i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it was like eating out sand paper
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Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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