remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Barsexuality is the new black.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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