And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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