I'm drive I can fine osifer
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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