I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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