Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Pants are for mortals
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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