you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
